Breaking up is hard to do, especially if it involves your bestie. After all, you've been through everything together: middle school, braces, crushes, fangirl freakouts, heartache, inside jokes, and all the good times (and bad) — you're practically ~sisters~ at this point. But as your grow up, sometimes friends — even BFFs — change for the worst, and sometimes you change and realize your friendship isn't good for you anymore, or maybe it never was but you didn't see it before.
Realizing when a friendship has come to an end is tough, but when a friendship becomes healthy, it can be the best thing for both of you. Here are the tell-tale signs you're in a toxic friendship and it may be time to breakup.
1. You never get a chance to speak. There's a huge difference between being super chatty and dominating an entire conversation. Is your BFF always talking about her problems/crushes/life and never listening when you try to talk about what's going on with you? If so, red flag alert. Just like you're there for her when she needs to talk, your bestie should be there for you, too.
2. She's always competing with you. When you get tickets to the Taylor Swift show, she makes sure to tell you she got front row seats during the last tour. When you ace a final exam, she reminds you that she aced the entire semester. Sure, sometimes friends get competitive sometimes. But a true friend won't treat you like a rival, and one-up you every chance she gets.
3. She's never happy for you. Even if deep down they're a little jealous sometimes, good friends always root for each other and celebrate each other's successes.
4. She's always bringing you down. Everyone has their downs, and bad moods. If your friend is always looking at the negatives (and guilting you into feeling the same way), it can put a huge damper on your entire relationship as well as your overall wellbeing. If hanging around your friend tends to leave you feeling down, or it feels like all you ever do is talk about how much you hate everything and everybody, you may need to put some distance between you two. Some time apart might make you see how much her negative attitude is affecting your happiness. If you're worried your friend may be suffering from depression, talk to a parent, teacher, or guidance counselor, so you can help her get the help she needs.
5. You're the only one texting and making plans. Whether it's setting up lunch dates or group get-togethers, you're doing all the work and she's hardly putting up any effort to hang out with you. Seriously, when was the last time she even texted you?
6. Back-handed compliments are her forte. "That dress is SO cute, but blue really isn't your color, unfortunately." She pretends like she's just trying to help you and she's only looking out for your best interest, but she really just makes you feel bad. If your bestie is always picking you apart, she's not a true friend.
7. She's always trash-talking everyone in your friend group. "I can't believe she's never been kissed yet. It's so sad."
8. INCLUDING YOU! Back-stabbing friends are a NOPE, NOPE … AND NOPE.
9. She spills all of your secrets. If she can't keep her mouth shut, then she can kindly walk out the door. The exception: If she's worried about your or someone else's health or safety.
10. If you're being honest with yourself, you actually feel relieved when she stays home from school or goes out of town. Feeling emotionally and physically drained from someone's presence is never a good thing. Spending time with your friend should make you feel better, not worse.
11. She never apologizes for anything. Not being able to say sorry or fight fair = major red flags.When you are super close with someone, the occasional fight is pretty much inevitable, and working out your issues can actually make your friendship stronger, but that's impossible if she refuses to deal with any issues you guys have or own up to her side of the street.
12. You never know where you stand with her. It's easy to get caught up under a Queen Bee's spell, and you may not even realize it's happening. But if you're constantly trying to win her approval, and live in constant fear that she'll suddenly be over you and have a new number one bestie, it's time to reevaluate whether she's really the kind of friend you want to have.
13. She's a drama ~queen~. She loves to create drama by blowing up over little things, holding grudges, and stirring up issues between you and your other friends.
14. She throws you under the bus just to look good in front of her crush. Enough said.
15. You feel like you can't be yourself around her. No true bestie, could, would or should ever make you feel bad about yourself. Ever. A true friend loves you for who you are, and would never make you feel like you need to change to be her friend.
If you found more than a few of these apply to your friendship, it may be time to revaluate whether she's really your bestie after all. If you decide you might need a break, here are some tips for how to break up with a friend.
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